Written by Chinedu Eze @mmammachi
When a survey conducted by Gold Circle declared that Nigerian women are the most unfaithful in the world many Nigerians, including men and women rejected it. In fact, some men were so repulsed by the report that they poured invectives to those who acknowledged the report could be true.
But I read somewhere where a gynecologist was quoted to have said that if DNA were conducted on five children from five married couples it would shock many that at least two out of that five may have been born by men different from their supposed Daddy. These cheatings unfortunately are not circumscribed to one ethnic group or one religion.
Was it Titanic that a major character said in the film that a woman’s heart is as deep as the ocean? Women can keep secret. The woman in your house can comfortably be cheating you but will always be there for you. Always.
There are several reasons why a Nigerian wife can cheat her husband, including the following reasons.
Many men who are married treat their wives like rags. Some regard their wives as second-class citizens and treat them like slaves. Most women genuinely fall in love when getting married to their man. They usually hold the man in high esteem and many of such men show so much love and care to these women. But after marriage some of the men turn into wild beasts and start beating their wives. Some women who are independent minded walk out of the relationship; others who are burdened with what the society would say become stoics and endure the battery and assault, allowing themselves to be punching bags.
So what do some of them do to revenge? They open up to a man close to them who show enough sympathy; they seek for acceptance and love. Any man other than their husbands that shows much sympathy becomes their sex partner. Most often it grows. The man becomes their confidant. Any time they get a beating they seek refuge in the man. When they empty their suffering to him they feel psychologically purgated. And when this happens they fall in love again and this time, they develop very strong attachment. When they have sex with the man outside, they feel so fulfilled. Nothing can be as exciting as stolen sex. The fact that the love- making is mired in secrecy and that it is like a revenge mission, make it so memorable.
To some women, this love can be eliminated if their husband changes because marriage is weighty and weightier is it if you have children for the man. Child bearing is a consolidation of togetherness between a man and his wife. Although she may stop having sex with the man outside if this happens, but it can never eliminate the intimacy.
If you ask average Nigerian married women whether her husband has a girlfriend she may tell you it is possible; that you don’t trust men, but it becomes a different ball game when they catch their husband and know that he has a girlfriend. The pain could be akin to a deep stab in the heart. When this happens the women first go through the shock, they will make attempt to stomach it and if the husband becomes defiant, they become very angry, jealous and disrespectful. They then become a fertile substrate that could quickly grow a relationship with another man.
There is something about a woman that is married and has given birth to children. She knows that she is not as beautiful as when she was a young girl being wooed by men. She knows that her breasts have lost their robustness and that she has gained weight here and there. In fact, many of them think they have lost their beautify. So when a desirable man pays them compliment, even those who are highly disciplined show appreciation. And if this man continues to show her admiration and love; at first she would rebuff him, especially if he is living happily with her husband, but she would begin to notice the man and weigh his love and bogus promises if she is not so happy at home. Over time she may begin to cave in. This is the way many women begin to have extramarital sex and this is the way gigolos get their victims and begin to rip them off financially.
Funding the Home
There are men who are well off but are not willing to pay the bills. There are men that do not have so much but rebuff their wives when they demand for money to keep the home. Many women who are working may be helping out at home in terms of sustaining the home financially. But every woman becomes angry when she asks for money and she is rebuffed. She expects the man that does not have much to explain his situation and the one that has enough to also explain why he cannot earmark funds to run the home. Women lose the respect they have for their husband when he cannot fund the home. Some regard such men as irresponsible and may even begin to look down on them.
It is this kind if feeling that made such women gullible to other men. When they get men who could be generous they do not look back. Some women are actually breadwinners and most of such women do not admire their husbands as much as they used to do. Incidents show that more women breadwinners in Nigeria cheat their husbands than others. This is because in African culture and even in the Bible, men are responsible for funding the home, while women give birth and take care of their children. When this responsibility is reversed it does always bode well with the women. Men are naturally seen as the head of the home and being head of the home include sustaining the family financially but when men abdicate this responsibility and also want to have the same measure of respect and leadership it becomes akin to trying to eat your cake and have it at the same.
By nature of their work and sometimes by design, there are men who are always out of home. When it becomes a regular feature their wives adjust to that reality but many feel the absence of the man of the house. Some look for surrogate husbands. If the man has a close relative that stays around his home his wife takes refuge there, but sometime other men come around to do the manly duties at home. And sometimes the wives fall in love with them or develop sexual appeals towards them. Sometimes sexual relationship develops from there.
Then there are women that miss sex. When their husbands are not there, their desires push them to other men. These sorts of women lack discipline and self-restraint and unequivocally find themselves sex partners without a flinch of their conscience.
Lack of Love
There are some relationships that are bereft of love. Some of these marriages were consummated in deceit. The man pretending to be materially endowed endured projected himself as so, only for the woman to realise after they were married that the man is not the real thing. In some cases, the woman used avowed righteousness to ensnare the man, only to discover after the marriage that the woman might have been a nymphomaniac. Some women who had their womb removed still pretend that they are normal and marry only for their husband to discover after many years of waiting for the fruit of the womb. Most marriages like this are contraptions from the church, where the woman may say, although she is not a virgin but she is now a born again and will never have sex before marriage.
Sometimes, the woman discovers to her shock that the man she married two years ago is actually a homosexual. That will be the day she will discover apparent evidence to that. The love peters out and in its absence are bitter silence, recrimination and growing hatred. When these happen each partner looks outside, but most often some women remain steadfast to their marriage despite the shocking revelation; others however, get themselves sex partners.
Not Good in Bed
Some men are not good in bed. It may not always be so, but something happened that they find it difficult to satisfy their wives. There are men since their adulthood who suffer from premature ejaculation. There are others that do not even know how to satisfy a woman in bed and there are others who actually have issues with their erection. Some men do not even see it as an obligation to satisfy their partner. They selfishly ejaculate without caring a hoot about the woman’s feelings.
Normally women reach orgasm later than men. So for a man to satisfy a woman he has to elaborately carry out foreplay and work his partner into sexual frenzy and excitement, arousing her libido to a zenith before he enters her. And when he does, he should continue with the love making until the woman comes; then he ejaculates. When this is done it becomes satisfying sex for both. But many men don’t actualise this with their wives.
Sedentary lifestyle, stressful work ethic, especially those who live in busy cities like Lagos leave the home very early in the morning and come back by night, beaten down by exhaustion caused by prolonged and undulating traffic jam. They return home exhausted and sex being the last thing in their mind. Even when lecherously evoked, they may not be in the best of moods to deliver their mandate satisfactorily. This is the matter with many families. So the women can one day stumble unto a vivacious, indefatigable and selfless sex geek. And the man takes over!
It has to be noted also that some women cannot actually be satisfied, so they go about looking to have more sex and any man who is unfortunate to marry such women cannot do anything to keep her faithful, even if he becomes a sex machine.
There are also some women who indulge in extra marital sex because of material things. They sleep around with men who give them money and other material things. They defy their husbands and do whatever they like and such women cannot be stopped from cheating!
Home and Working Mum
There are assumptions that have become stereotypes. One of such assumptions is that women who are married and have children but are not working are idle housewives who have so much idle time and use it to gossip and get tempted by men. But this is the fact. Any woman who has children ranging from zero to five years whose husband is working and goes to work in the morning and comes back in the evening is a very busy woman. Taking care of those children makes her busier than the woman who works in the bank, for example. That you relegated your home responsibilities to a maid because you are working does not make the woman who is taking care of her own children an idle housewife. The truth is that no matter how it is argued, children reared by maids and those reared by mothers can never be the same. That bonding in the early years, the inculcation of manners and decorum cannot be overemphasized.
Both the home Mum and the Working Mum can cheat their husbands. The Home Mum can fall in love with a man in the neighbourhood and when the husband goes to work they could be having a field day. But contrary to what many believe, the Home Mum may not even have time for such shenanigans.
The Working Mum succumbs to more temptation and many women are known to be involved intimately with their bosses either because of love, promotions and other favours. There are unconscionable men who demand sex for every favour they want to do for women in the office and it does not matter whether the women is married or not. Sex orgies and scandal parvade many offices and sometimes it is the woman and not the man that ignites it and awoke the burning fire of desire in the man. In fact, it is believed that more of the working Mums stand higher chances of cheating their husbands because of the temptations they are subjected every day.
With the above analysis, one can see that the survey carried by Gold Circle may not be off the mark, after all.