Squirting is something of a sexual phenomenon. We hear myths of some women experiencing it during sex, but many of us never have and wonder if it’s a real thing.
The short answer is: yes. It’s real. And while you can learn how to do it, some people might never experience it, says Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex therapist, and resident sex expert at AdamandEve.com. But you’ll never know if you can until you try!
When teaching yourself to ejaculate, also known as squirting or gushing, have patience with yourself and your body. “It can take some time to get a feel for it because women tend to clench and draw upward when we orgasm, and squirting requires relaxing and bearing down,” says Antonia Hall (Antoniahall.com), a practicing psychologist and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life.
A lot of women feel like they’re going to pee when they’re close to reaching an O, which can make bearing down sound like a terrible idea. But that gotta-go feeling is often sparked by female ejaculate coming from the Skene’s glands behind the G-spot. When the gland swells and fills with fluid, it can press on the urethra, which it also drains into, and that can make it feel like you need to pee, says Hall.
The G-spot is a small bundle of tissues and nerves about two inches into the vagina on the upper wall. That’s why trying positions that involve rear entry have a greater likelihood of stimulating this area. Though the existence of the G-spot has been somewhat controversial, many women say they’ve definitely located it, says Van Kirk.
The ejaculate itself can range from as little as a half-teaspoon to several tablespoons full, says Van Kirk.
Before beginning you’ll want to empty your bladder, to help ease your mind.
First, you’re going to get comfortable, relaxed, and really turned on. Whatever helps get you there should be used, whether it’s visual aids (porn, erotica) or your favorite sex toy, says Hall. Making things slick with your favorite water-based lube is also helpful, she says.
“Focus first on stimulating your clitoris, as it’ll help bring blood into the area and get your G-spot area ready for play,” says Hall. When you’re turned on, insert your middle and ring finger a couple of inches inside the vagina and rub your G-spot, which feels like a small ridged area along the front of your vaginal wall, she says.
As we mentioned, behind the G-spot is the Skene’s gland, which is often referred to as the female equivalent to the prostate. Like the prostate, which produces seminal fluid, the Skene’s gland produces the female ejaculate. “It’s important to push on the G-spot to get the Skene’s glands swollen and ready to gush,” says Hall. Hooking your fingers to press into the area can help stimulate the glands, causing you to squirt, she says. Keep the palm of your hand cupped around your clitoris to get dual stimulation.
“Play with what feels really good to you,” says Hall. You can also use a dildo or vibrator, but it’s good to get a feel with your fingers first to locate your G-spot.
It may take even more pressure than your fingers can provide, says Hall. “A deep thrusting motion tends to work for a lot of women. But if it doesn’t happen for you right away, just enjoy the pleasure for now and keep experimenting,” she says.
If you find that squirting is your new secret talent, good for you! If not, hey, at least you gave it a shot and got a little action along the way. Don’t feel like you are any less of a sex queen than a lady who gushes. We’re all sexual snowflakes.