A recent article talked about reasons why wives shouldn’t give their husbands more sex because it’s meant to be enjoyed by couples not a duty to be performed by one partner.
That aside, there may be barriers preventing you from enjoying sex and loads of intimacy with your husband such that you may have a hard time remembering that sex is about you too.
Gaye Christmus of BlogHer lists 4 barriers preventing you from sex and intimacy with your partner and ways to overcome them:
Lack of understanding – Some women don’t understand the ways their sexuality may differ from men’s. Because our culture tends to hold up male sexuality as the standard, women whose sexual interest and response is not the same as a typical man’s may think that something is wrong with them. They may conclude that their libido is broken, or that they just aren’t interested in sex. For years I had the vague thought that something must be wrong with me, because my sexuality was so different from my husband’s. Then I read some articles which explained clearly that my sexuality was entirely normal – for a woman. If you’ve ever thought that your sexual response might be “broken,” do some reading and research – you’ll probably learn that it isn’t broken at all.
Fatigue and stress – For women, much more so than men, feeling worn out or stressed out takes a toll on their enthusiasm for sex. If sex ends up as something you frequently “give” to your husband because you’re too tired or stressed to enjoy it, it may be time to take a serious look at your schedule and commitments. Few things are more important than building intimacy and increasing joy in your marriage. If you want those things, you may need to let go of some other things and find ways to get more rest, to say “no,” and to control your family’s schedule.
Poor communication – Let’s be honest – it’s hard to talk about sex. But failing to talk about it leads to all kinds of problems, including unrealistic expectations, unmet needs and utter frustration. Sadly, I know this from personal experience. When my husband and I got married, I had no idea how to have an open and honest conversation about sex. It took me years to learn, and I’m still not very good at it. I wished I had learned earlier – it would have saved us a lot of heartache and frustration. If talking about sex (or failing to talk about it) has tripped up your marriage, begin learning and practicing better communication. Tell your husband, “I know this has been a problem for us. I’d like to start talking about it so we can find a solution.” Read a book and share with him some things you’ve learned. Even better, read a book together and talk about it.
Difficult issues – Some of the things that cause women to lose interest in sex or see it as an obligation are difficult to address, and may require professional assistance. If you’re experiencing serious marriage problems or have suffered sexual abuse in the past, for example, consider talking with a counselor who can help you address them. And if you’re dealing with medical problems, or taking certain types of medications (including antidepressants and birth control pills) that can affect sex and intimacy, you may need to work with your doctor to address those issues.